Friday, August 07, 2009

Our Rufus

We had to put our puppy Rufus to sleep. It was the hardest decision ever but he had multiple health issues but the huge cancer mass was the driving force. He was almost 15. Kris got him when he was in high school. Kris and I have never cried so hard. It was the worse thing I have ever experienced. I was there when my dad died, but i had no control over it, didn't know when it would happen, and had prepared myself for months that it was going to happen. This time I had control, knew the exact moment, and had not prepared myself mentally. I just wanted him to die peacefully in his sleep but that's what everyone wants right? I cleaned up all his stuff today, put it in the garage, and threw away his bed (almost cried when the garbage men took it) I thought that would help Kris if everything was gone when he got home but I think it made it worse. Adyson didn't ask about Rufus all day until dinner, then she called for him. Then when we came home from Walmart she was looking for him. I know she doesn't understand, we keep telling her that Ru is in heaven. She told us at dinner that Rufus died and we told her she was right. I want to find a stuffed choc lab puppy for her that looks like him. I don't think we will get another dog for a few yrs, it would be like cheating on him. We are just dealing with guilt right now not that there was anything we could have done to stop it.
Being a grownup sucks sometimes. Now I understand what my parents have had to do over the years. But I wouldn't trade having him even when he annoyed me :-)